Church and Cheesecake Special Events

In the fight against church addiction, exexexChurch is planning to go on the road with a special event called Church and Cheesecake.

Our special team will be visiting areas where church addiction is rife and setting up our special Church and Cheesecake tent and all are welcome to attend.

Inside you'll find a delightful selection of beautiful bikini-clad women, all willing to sigh in a girlish manner and tell you you're a complete stud. There may be jelly wrestling involved.

At the same time as our bevy of beauties are fuelling your masturbatory fantasies, we'll be offering a large selection of FREE cheesecake and other equally filling desserts.

We'll even have a clown who looks frighteningly like Stephen King's IT. He'll be making obscene balloon animals and espousing the pleasures of clown porn.

All you have to do to enjoy this life-affirming event is listen to a small presentation on the dangers of church going and peruse some of our completely unbiased and scientific (not to mention seriously arousing) reading material.

We'll also be giving away free used panties to those willing to renounce church going in public.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

THE CHURCH AND CHEESECAKE FAQ :

Is Church and Cheesecake R rated? Yes. Sheesh, what were you expecting? Church or something?

Should I bring my son? Only if you actually have one.

Should my son be 11 years and older? Why are you asking me this? Surely you know how old your son is by now?

Can I bring my dad? Yes. He's not getting any cheesecake at the nursing home, you know.

Should my dad be ready to talk afterwards? If he's kept a secret this long, I suspect that cheesecake isn't going to make him spill the beans.

Why just men? If you bring women they'll eat all the cheesecake before you get any.

Where does the cash go? That's an excellent question. I'll have my accountant look into the options.

Isn't "Church and Cheesecake" a really misleading title? Sure, but you go to church so you're probably used to being misled.

Will you talk about the benefits of masturbation? Yes.

Will we find help for church addiction? Yes.

Isn't this just a blatant pseudo-scientific attempt to make people like porn? If you want to call bribery with nudity and desserts "pseudo-scientific", then yes.

Who will be there? People just like you, along with a lot of really pervy, creepy guys who keep following us around. Then there's the half-naked women, the scary clown and the caterers, your Dad, his hitmen and your son. All of us from exexexChurch will be there, of course, unless it's time for a beer, in which case we'll be down the pub.

Can I tell everyone I know? Do you really want to tell everyone you know that you're keen on porn?

Can I take notes? Your literary ability is your own concern.

Does Jesus really love porn stars? Maybe he did. Who can tell what porn was available to a carpenter 2000 years ago? We do know he was big on the prostitutes so that answer is probably yes.

Do church hymns really cause brainn damagge? Yes. And put the gun down now, please.

Do I really need to stop going to church? Yes.

Will there be any pancakes? There's just no pleasing some people. That's just what Jesus said, sir.